Leadership Lesson Out of the Orlando Shooting

Leadership Lesson Out of the Orlando Shooting

It’s been almost three weeks since the deadliest mass shooting in American history. Just this week we suffered another senseless attack against people traveling for religious holidays in Turkey.

In the days and weeks following events like these we look to our leaders – political leaders, church leaders, even leaders at work or in our family. We look for answers to questions that can’t be answered. We look for explanations for actions that can’t be explained. We look for comfort.

We look to leaders to help us find clarity or sort through our own emotions. These are the things that matter in moments of extreme grief, anger, and misunderstanding.

Today many of our leaders fail to do this. They politicize things. They offer “solutions” like changing policies, closing borders or attacking ISIS. They think by offering solutions that they can make the pain and uncertainty go away. They’re wrong. Solutions aren’t what’s needed in times like these. What’s needed most is understanding and connection.

Three weeks ago a man killed fifty people he knew only one thing about. And to him, that one thing was enough to justify their deaths. You can put all kinds of labels on this man. None of them can even begin to explain how someone could do what he did. He was broken. And we are not going to legislate some kind of neat solution to someone like him (or the suicide bombers in Turkey).

What we need as Americans and people are leaders who can talk about that – the human part of the problem.

Utah Lt. Gov. Spencer Cox did that in the days after the shooting in Orlando. At a vigil for the victims of the shooting, Cox began by saying “I recognize that I am a balding, youngish, middle-aged, straight, white, male, Republican politician, with all of the expectations and privileges that come with those labels. I am probably not who you expected to hear from today.”

He went on to tell about his time growing up in a small rural high school. He recalls the way he treated some of the kids who were different than him. Looking back, he now knows those kids were gay. Cox says, “I regret not treating them with the kindness, dignity, and respect — the love — that they deserved. For that I sincerely and humbly apologize.”

We need leaders willing to be vulnerable and connect.

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Cox didn’t have to say those things. He didn’t have to reveal his intolerance. He could have spent his time talking to grieving people about policies and how to fix things. But Cox is a true leader. Instead, he spoke about something that was uncomfortable. He showed vulnerability. He described how intolerance toward any group creates distance, and distance can lead to all kinds of problems, including violence. He asked the American people to surround the gay community with love – not just in this terrible season, but in our daily lives as well.

Cox challenged us to look inside of ourselves. As I considered his statement I had to confront my own mistakes and intolerance. He connected. His honesty made him a man we can trust.

These are the qualities of a true leader. And this is the kind of leader people follow and fight for.

Imagine how much better our world would be if we followed the Governor’s advice. If we surrounded each other with love instead of feeding the friction. Strive to be that kind of leader.

Emotional Intelligence: 7 Reasons to Start Hiring for It

Emotional Intelligence: 7 Reasons to Start Hiring for It

Emotional Intelligence. What is it? And why do we need it?

According to Psychology Today, emotional intelligence is “the ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others.” It is generally said to include three skills:

  1. Emotional awareness, including the ability to identify your own emotions and those of others;
  2. The ability to harness emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problem solving; and
  3. The ability to manage emotions, including the ability to regulate your own emotions, and the ability to cheer up or calm down another person.

Obviously, these are all valuable qualities in any person. They’re especially valuable for leaders and those they lead. But as important as emotional intelligence is today, our rapidly changing world is making these skills even more valuable. Emotional intelligence is becoming as important (perhaps even trumping) hard skills like knowledge base, organization, delegation, and discipline.

As technology continues to advance and more and more tasks are taken over by algorithms and machines, human qualities like emotional intelligence will be even more important. Building connections with customers and coworkers will be the most challenging for machines to replicate.

Soft skills are the new hard skills.

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Fast Company’s recent article provides 7 reasons why you should be hiring emotionally intelligent people now.

  1. They can handle pressure healthily. Consider workplace stress, which costs companies over $300 billion each year (click here to read our blog post on it). “People with higher levels of emotional intelligence are more aware of their internal thermometer and therefore better able to manage their stress levels.”
  2. They understand and cooperate with others. In an increasingly globalized workplace, being able to get along with and understand people across a wide array of cultures and backgrounds is a valuable asset to any work environment.
  3. They’re good listeners. Everyone wants to feel like they’re being listened to and understood. And while a lot of people think they’re good listeners, most of us aren’t as good as we think. It’s not totally our fault though. The human mind processes words much faster than the average person talks. We get bored. You have to really want to hear what the other person is saying to stay focused. This is where emotionally intelligent people come in. “Because of their ability to understand others, highly emotionally intelligent people are in a better position to put their own emotions and desires aside and take others into account.” (Check out our Active Listening tool in The Playbook for tips on improving your listening skills and emotional intelligence.)
  4. They’re more open to feedback. Some people really just don’t handle criticism well, even when it’s constructive. Because emotionally intelligent people are often more able to set aside their emotions in order to see the big picture, they “are less defensive and more open to feedback, especially when it involves areas of improvement. Their high level of self-regard lets them look positively at areas where they can do better, rather than taking feedback personally.” This means that these employees are more likely to grow, improve, evolve. Leaders with this trait will ask for feedback and shrink power distance with their coworkers.
  5. They’re empathetic. We’ve talked about empathy a lot. It’s essential to collaboration. We’re all just human. And working with people who we feel understand us and respect our feelings “allows teams to focus on the task at hand rather than become embroiled in internal bickering and politics.”
  6. They set an example for others to follow. You probably have a few people sticking out in your mind at this point who have high emotional intelligence. These are likely also the same people in your organization that are the “unofficial” informal leaders. “An ability to rise above daily irritations earns people with high emotional intelligence the respect from those above them as well from their colleagues.”
  7. They make more thoughtful and thorough decisions. It only makes sense that a person who handles pressure well, is a good listener, understands others, and is open to feedback is probably also a person who makes better decisions. “Not only does this result in better decision making overall, it also helps manage damage control when certain decisions lead to negative consequences.”

Knowledge and a high IQ is great. You need hard skills. But our research (stay tuned for some terrific new findings in this area) shows that these emotional intelligence skills deliver huge value to organizations. The bottom line is that soft skills are the new hard skills.

Looking for a way to improve your emotional intelligence? Check out The Approachability Playbook. Not surprisingly, working on your approachability skills will also help boost your skills in the 7 emotional intelligence areas listed above.

Consider the most emotionally intelligent person you know. What qualities stand out to you the most? Do you believe you can improve your emotional intelligence? Does your hiring process look for more emotionally intelligent individuals?

Why You Shouldn’t Seek Perfection From Your Team

Why You Shouldn’t Seek Perfection From Your Team

Sure, perfection is great. But what does it cost you?

Think about the last lesson you learned.

No. Not that that one. I’m talking about the one you really learned – the hard way. What happened? Did it change you?

Apply that sort of logic to your employees, your business. We learn best from our mistakes. Our most notable moments of growth stem from our failures.

Forbes has this group called The MPW Insiders where influential people provide answers to important business questions. A couple weeks ago, the question was: How do you embrace imperfection as part of professional development? Rachel Mendelowitz, managing partner at McChrystal Group, was the influential person of the day. Here’s her take.

“In order to learn in a complex environment, trial and error is not only inevitable, it is actually the only effective way to navigate through uncertainty. Although it is incredibly uncomfortable, exposing and acknowledging when we fall short on performance is actually the very thing that drives higher performance.”

Her key ingredient to creating an environment where team members feel comfortable enough to bring their mess-ups to light is vulnerability.

“Leaders who foster an environment of vulnerability know that they aren’t creating weakness. Quite the opposite – they challenge people to stretch themselves, demand interpersonal courage, take on new challenges, and model outsized poise and resilience in the face of adversity.

Most importantly, being vulnerable at work is a two-way street – it requires daring on the part of the employee trying something new, and support on the part of the manager in responding to this attempt, when it succeeds and especially when it fails.”

Mendelowitz provides 5 tips to build this sort of vulnerability.

  1. Encourage ‘stupid’ questions. I love this one. Another way to put this is there is no such thing as a stupid question. A question that may seem obvious to you as the leader (because you have more information or a broader strategic perspective) won’t be obvious to others. You may have a thing (or things) to learn from these questions. Mendelowitz says, “seemingly ‘stupid’ questions can actually highlight where you have failed as a leader to provide direction or enough emphasis.” And if your perspective is built on wrong assumptions, what you may learn is that you are dead wrong.
  2. Offer to help without judgment. If you make employees feel bad for coming to you for help, they simply won’t do it. And while you’re free from the interruption, your employees are likely spending numerous unnecessary hours “muscling through problems” just so they don’t have to deal with condescension. Learn to welcome the knocks on the door, even when they are inconvenient.
  3. Enable creative thinking. When someone suggests a new idea, don’t shut it down just because you “know” it won’t work. Maybe it won’t. But let the guy or gal who is excited about the idea experiment with it. “‘Waste’ a little time entertaining new thinking.” Again, this isn’t just to patronize or let people fail. These experiments are great learning opportunities and could reveal a new way of doing things you never could walking the path you “know” works.
  4. Try new things, even if they fail. This one builds off of number 3 and is a foundation to creating vulnerability. Take new ideas for a ride, even if you feel pretty strongly that you’re going to run out of gas. “Every organization seeks to be a ‘learning organization’, but we learn through both success and, more effectively, through failure.”
  5. Don’t be so quick to offer your perspective. This is great advice – not only when it comes to creating a creative environment, but also as an empathy tool. Your people don’t want you to solve their problems for them. They just want to feel supported and that you understand where they’re at. Let people figure stuff out on their own. “Your knowledge is not a renewable resource for your employees; their own ability to learn and develop is what will pay dividends.”

These are 5 solid pieces of advice. I’d like to add one more.

The best way to create an environment where people feel comfortable being vulnerable is to be vulnerable yourself.

Own up to your own mistakes. Let your team see you as a person – someone who has weaknesses, quirks, and yes, even bad ideas. If you do that, you might become something more than an authority figure. Maybe you’ll show them that the road to real success is bumpy. And maybe that will inspire them. (For more on how your vulnerability improves your team’s performance, check out our post on Google and psychological safety).

I say go for it. Be vulnerable. Encourage your team to be vulnerable. Check out our Approachability Window Tool in The Approachability Playbook for a few more tips on how to do just that.

Have you ever had a boss who squashed your creativity? Did you ever have a boss who was good at letting you experiment or grow from mistakes? Do you notice any of the 5 tips you could add to your leadership tool kit? Let us know in the comments!

Muhammad Ali | Approachability Minute

Muhammad Ali | Approachability Minute

Last week we lost Muhammad Ali. He personified approachability. Even though Ali was a big, powerful man he always looked for ways to shrink distance between himself and others. In today’s Approachability Minute Phil tells a quick story about what happened when a young boy approached Ali in an airport. As leaders we can all learn a thing or two about approachability from Ali. Rest in peace Champ.

Workplace Stress Costs Companies $300 Billion a Year

Workplace Stress Costs Companies $300 Billion a Year

Workplace stress is bad for business and bad for workers.

This, according to recent research compiled by Eastern Kentucky University’s Occupational Safety Department. This new research supports something we’ve emphasized for a while (it is a core topic of our White Paper on The ROI of Approachable Leadership).

Here’s the deal.

Businesses are run by people. Plain and simple. People are emotional, even those of us who have a hard time showing it. We have families, friends, debt, yards to mow, meals to prepare, cars to fix, the list goes on and on (I feel my blood pressure rising just writing that sentence). We have responsibilities – things life requires of us. Then we have jobs. And with a job comes another endless list of more responsibilities.

But somewhere in the midst of all of these responsibilities, we dream. We dream of the things we want for ourselves. Of the books we want to read. The places we want to visit. The mark we want to leave on the world. We dream of a good life – a life well-lived.

Create an environment where people feel like they’re growing – not shriveling up.

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I was going to say that satisfaction isn’t attainable, but that’s wrong. With apologies to the Rolling Stones, you CAN get satisfaction as long as you realize it isn’t a destination or a place you go. Instead you get satisfaction in doses. Moments of joy and contentment. Many times these moments are followed by more work and, yes, sometimes drudgery. When we are our best selves we move from one moment of joy to working on that next step or level on our journey. As we make progress on that journey we experience more joy.

Herzberg teaches us that we leaders can’t make people happy. But we can definitely make them unhappy. We can also help create the conditions where people can experience moments of happiness and joy each day. People spend at least 40 hours a week at their jobs (plus many more hours working at home). We leaders have a responsibility (yes, another responsibility) to create an environment where people can feel like they are making progress. That doesn’t make people feel like they’re shriveling up.

People want to grow. They want to feel useful and valuable. These are the things that drive people to work hard, to innovate, to be pleasant to their coworkers.

When these things a missing people tend to focus on other things – the workplace stress, the frustrations, the lack of energy. They do this until they become so overwhelmed that they are no longer able function to their full capabilities. And this factor alone is costing U.S. companies $150 billion per year in lost productivity.

Juggling work and personal life is just one of the four leading causes of stress in the workplace as reported by EKU. The other three are: lack of job security, people issues, and workload. These are things the leader can heavily influence. But many leaders ignore these issues, either because they aren’t paying attention (leaders are busy and dealing with workplace stress too) or nobody tells them because they don’t feel comfortable enough to do so. They don’t have an approachable leader.

I know it sounds almost too simple of a solution, but it works.

89% of employees of approachable leaders report being happy, less stressed, and more satisfied with their work.

They feel this way because they can talk to their leader. When they have an issue at work, it gets resolved; when they have an issue outside of work, it gets shared and understood; when they have an idea, it gets encouraged.

Have a look at the infographic below for a better understanding of how workplace stress is impacting your company and your team. Then, go here to get a copy of The Approachability Playbook. It’ll teach you how to be a more approachable leader one tool at a time.

Think about a recent time you dealt with stress in the workplace (I’m sure it won’t be hard). What do you think would have helped you manage that stress a little better? Was there anything your coworkers could do? Your boss?

Why Good Leaders Make You Feel Safe | Simon Sinek TED Talk

Why Good Leaders Make You Feel Safe | Simon Sinek TED Talk

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmyZMtPVodo]

Good leaders make you feel safe, but there’s a difference between good leaders and most leaders.

You’ve probably seen this TED Talk before. It’s been viewed millions of times. If you haven’t seen it before check it out – you won’t regret it.

Sinek’s main point is that good leaders make you feel safe. This is a core principle of Approachable Leadership.

There’s a difference between good leaders and most leaders. Most leaders make their employees scared. This is usually not on purpose. But it still happens.

We each relate to power differently. Anytime there is a power relationship in play (and there is almost ALWAYS some sort of power relationship in play) we tend to act different than when we are with a peer. Some of us have very little concern with people in power and treat them mostly as peers. Most of us are more concerned about power, and treat people in power positions with more deference. This describes something called “power distance.”

The reason we defer to more powerful people often boils down to fear and loss of control. Powerful people can make stuff happen to us. In a work setting it could mean making us do something we don’t like, taking away something we do like, or in the worst case taking away our livelihood completely. Power distance, then, measures how scared we are of people in power. If we have low power distance (or a small power distance gap) we feel less fear. If we have wide power distance we have more fear.

This power distance works at a very primal level. For most of us when the boss approaches, our flight-or-fight reflexes immediately kick in. Our blood pressure rises and adrenaline pumps through our bodies. If we think we are in trouble or there is a problem it’s even worse. This is why Sinek believes the key job of a leader is to make us feel safe.

Reducing power distance makes you feel safe.

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Sinek believes there are two key qualities of the best organizations—trust and cooperation. But this is the opposite of most companies. Most companies foster an environment where the individual feels like she has to look out for herself. Sinek states:

“In the military, they give medals to people who are willing to sacrifice themselves so others may gain. In business, we give bonuses to people who are willing to sacrifice others so that we may gain.”

There is a key difference between these two environments. In one the people focus energy and effort on protecting themselves from each other. The other encourages people to combine their talents and strengths to face the dangers outside and to seize opportunity. He goes on to say:

“The only variable [we have control of] are the conditions inside the organization and that’s where leadership matters because it’s the leader that sets the tone. When the leader makes the choice to put the safety and lives of the people inside the organization first, to sacrifice their comforts and sacrifice the tangible results so that the people remain and feel safe and feel like they belong, remarkable things happen.”

Sinek is talking about reducing power distance. Reducing power distance makes you feel safe.

Sinek suggests that trust and cooperation are the keys to unlocking your company’s potential. While this is great advice, even Sinek acknowledges it isn’t all that actionable. “The problem with concepts of trust and cooperation is that they are feelings. They are not instructions,” Sinek says. When you tell a leader that they need to be more trustworthy or they need to get their team to cooperate more you get a blank stare. Or defensiveness—”What do you mean I’m not trustworthy?”

You can’t force your employees to trust you. Nor can you force them to cooperate. How can you actually implement this advice? That’s where approachability comes in.

Over the next few months we will share some exciting new research that explains how teaching good leaders the simple, practical basics of approachability lays the foundation for a trust-based and cooperative organization.

What do you think about Sinek’s Talk? Do you agree or disagree that trust and cooperation are essential to creating a work environment that thrives, innovates, and lasts? Do you think good leaders are the ones who make you feel safe?

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